The longest, the deepest, the only one I couldn’t figure out the reason why it’s reshaping my personality a lot, this is my current inner-self status.
From all different statuses I’ve been through in my life, I can categorize this one I’m going through as the most puzzling. And since writing is my medium of comprehending myself, I thought collecting my thoughts in here might be of help in solving this puzzle.
If I am to describe it, I’d say It feels like my weight seems like it’s opposing gravity. I’m flying up there to some vague place. No one approves of it, for they lack the knowledge about its existence.
As if I’m an untethered see-through balloon. I can see everything yet comprehend nothing. Like a hole in the processing core, where everything gets through without really getting processed. I’m not sure if I was the one who turned everything off, or is it my subconscious to protect me? I’m lost in cognitive blackout.
This ballon is pulled to ground every once in a while by a deep good talk with a close friend or a family member, an enlightening chapter in a book, and those honest moments of confessions with my dear self. Each talk, word and confession will create a knot that will keep me attached to reality, and create my rigid base that connects me to the world.I even started to feel it is a mandatory phase I must go through in order to pull myself together strongly to be undefeated. Like I need to build my stage base upon rigid pillars.
But soon enough, those recently created knots are set free, and I’m light again and absorbed in the bubble of anti-gravity.
An iterative cycles of knotting and setting free. Knotting and setting free. Knotting and setting free…
It feels like my essence is preparing for something I still know nothing of. All I can sense is a significant alteration on the door, but not quite sure it is what I feel like it is.
Peeking down and thinking about my role, I can see ropes of unanswered questions waiting to be tethered to their answers. Must I believe in those answers for them to be awaken and seen by the dangling ropes? Will time alone color my balloon? Or shall I get the paint and team up with it?
I bet you find this post shaken and vague, but so is my state of anti-gravity.
Hope you already formed your rigid base my dear..