This is the most unsuitable time for me to write, but I felt the urgency to let it out.
Gadah used to be the optimistic quite girl with her smiley face accompanying her most of the time. Not that I was as happy as I seemed, but I’d always thought life is good, and the best is yet to come. But not anymore.
It actually happened gradually years ago when I started realizing how we are surrounded with blocks of obstacles and hardships, blessings as well, for I’m not trying to radiate any pessimism in here. I’m merely stating my current emotional status. It is revealing, and I agree, but sharing makes many things better, so I thought it might help this time.
They say the human being can easily trick his/her mind by constantly repeating a fact that we wish is true, and somehow in there we are supposed to act upon this new lie unconsciously in our life. However, seems like I’m failing in this process!
As I’m growing, I feel like my control grip of everything in my life starts to jiggle and lose its balance. What is it that had changed? It feels like having a control of a naive person, one who doesn’t really know what everything is really about.
Are people really disappointing me? Or am I the one doing it to myself? What is it that I’m not getting?
Many of whom used to be the dearest, are not anymore. Writing those words is itself as painful as it is for me. I don’t want to get involved in anything new, as I’m not ready for any later disappointments. This is why I’m learning to remain rigid.
Those are piled feelings that had to be shaken in order to make room for some light.
I know things will never remain the same. Even if they are for a while, an altering change is definitely waiting at the door. And we have to welcome it with hands wide open..
My apologies if this wasn’t a pleasant read, but it had to be out.
Don’t forget to make room for some light in your emotions closet my dear!